What is Erotic Mindfulness?

So, for those that have had bodywork sessions with me, you know that the perspective of my work is infused with a mindfulness practice. I believe it is extremely essential to cultivate a body-centered awareness in an erotic experience, which is why I rely on using a blindfold to bring the focus of the eyes into the inner gaze of the body's sensations. In fact, I have taken to keeping my eyes closed for the majority of my sessions as well.

One of the biggest hurdles for men that I've observed over the years is that men tend to project their awareness onto the external (the visuals of the sexy woman), rather than bringing their awareness into the internal felt experience that the physical body is experiencing in the moment.

It is precisely this inner gaze, embodiment centered focus that I have always attempted to hone in on - in my sessions with clients. That's where all the sexual energy is able to be observed, and where the power is found. Men can become incredible lovers when this inner gaze is cultivated and nurtured.

I believe every man has the potential to be a God in bed. But most men aren't. It takes a lot of practice and dedication, and as a result - we have a lot of bored, dissatisfied women out there who aren't enthusiastic about their partners. On behalf of all the women in the world, I truly want every man to become the ultimate divine lover.. Seriously!And every man has their own flavor, their own way of expressing and embodying the flow of life force energy that moves through them, which is why making love to every man feels totally different. Each man has a unique, subtle flavor of Qi that flows through them. And the choices that a man makes in his daily habits and lifestyle make ALL the difference in the flow of that energy through the body and through the cock.

But the one thing that doesn't change is approaching eroticism with a mindfulness practice. Now, when I think of mindfulness - I think of Zen Buddhism and I think of Thich Nhat Hanh...

Why Erotic Mindfulness?

I would describe mindfulness as meditation in an active state. I first practiced mindfulness by walking as slowly as possible on rocks and boulders, and focusing all my attention on every subtle sensation of each foot as it hit the ground. It's about bringing your full attention to the experience in the moment.

This is completely necessary for sexuality for about a million reasons. There's so much happening in your body, such an enormous amount of sensations and such an overwhelming amount of ecstatic energy - that you need to be able to be completely present for it... Otherwise you might check out and disassociate or you just short circuit from an overload of ecstasy and have an ejaculation and then your ecstatic experience is quickly over. And a lot of people use alcohol (or other drugs) to get themselves into a heightened state where they can let go enough to explore the edges of themselves, but are unable to remain conscious and fully present for the experience in the moment.

Again, I will say that mindfulness is essential for cultivating our erotic awareness - but it's necessary also to track the flow of energy in the moment. In fact, I've come to the realization this week (and this is my big new insight) that the whole point of sex isn't to pleasure oneself or your partner into having an orgasm, but to learn how to track the flow of energy between you and your partner.

My perspective is that most people (women included) can't handle the amount of ecstasy in their body at a certain level, they get overwhelmed by that peak state in their body, and instead of being able to relax and ride the current - they easily get overwhelmed, their bodies spasm and release.

Now as someone who is a strong proponent of men learning ejaculation control techniques, I look at it as a required step in learning how to get into the ecstatic state and stay there for as long as possible... That is the whole goal... You want to reach the point where you are on the threshold of a peak state of ecstasy and be able to ride the current of that energy, without ever getting overwhelmed to the point of release.

But, here's the big caveat - and this is part of my realization yesterday - both people need to be in the ecstatic state of arousal at the same time. It doesn't work if one person isn't in an ecstatic state of arousal, and it doesn't work if one person is doing something obligatory to please the other, and it doesn't work if one person is faking it, and it doesn't work if one person is checked out and not fully present. Reason being: you need to be fully present with your partner and be able to ride the current of that energy circulating between you both, and you both need to be in the ecstatic state together at the same time.

But it all starts with mindfulness, and learning how to fully relax into the present moment awareness. This is the first step to becoming a god in bed. You don't need to have the world's perfect penis, and you don't need to be strong, muscular and excessively testosterone laden. Fuck that. Virility is about the way you move and embody your consciousness in your body.